Soeurs
by Silvedry
Summary: "Hanabi is not anything like her sister. She never has been." An introspective into the relationship between the Hyuga Sisters. Hanabi-centric. Complete with the slightest twinge of angst.


Hanabi is not anything like her sister. She never has been.

Despite her young age, Hanabi is much more intuitive than people give her credit for and she can read people as easily as the alphabet.

She knows that her father hates sunsets by the way he scrunches the corners of his eyes when she and he stay in the courtyard practicing for too long. She also knows it is because she remembers long ago that her mother had died at sunset.

She knows Neji clenches his fist enough to cut his skin every time their grandfather walks past him with his nose elevated just the tiniest bit. She also knows that he always keeps his nails long enough to cut the skin so that the pain keeps him from doing something scandalous.

She knows the Hyūga Clan is a terrifyingly abnormal clan. She understands that Shinobi clans are different than civilian clans, but she knows that some of the more well kept secrets would cause the rest of the village to keep their distance.

She knows that siblings are supposed to fight and get upset with each other, be friendly, support each other and above all else love each other.

And most importantly, Hanabi knows that she and Hinata are too far apart from each other to ever be best friends.

Hanabi cannot remember a single time in which she and Hinata had been more than polite to one another. She likes to think that Hinata at one point was the doting older sister, probably while their mother was pregnant, but now they are living in two completely different circles. Hinata is mostly ignored and belittled for her failures, not really belonging anywhere, while Hanabi is groomed and educated in all the ways that she needs to be in order to become an effective leader for their clan, accepted by all the people who matter to the clan. Most especially by her Father.

She is sometimes grateful that their father does not treat her the same way as he treats Hinata. When she was younger she thought it was because he liked her better. Out of the two of them, Hinata most resembles their Mother and everyone in the Hyūga complex used to whisper about how much Hiashi adored his late wife. It was only natural that he would like her better.

But as she got older, she began to think it was because he wanted her to get stronger. In her father's mind, Hinata was already coddled enough-Hanabi could be treated more severely and survive. She needed to be taught the harsh ways if she was to survive being young and rash along with the responsibility of carrying the noble name of a long blood-stained clan upon her shoulders. She at one time felt pride in being trusted with her father's harsh gaze and would endure the pain because she knew it would end favorably for her in the end.

Hanabi was nothing if not determined.

She suspects there was a time in Hinata's life when both their parents allowed her to grow at her own pace, to adjust to life in a clan like the Hyūga. Hanabi has a nagging feeling it was all because of her Mother. But something must have happened because for as long as Hanabi could remember she has always had to adhere to someone else's schedule and standards and if she couldn't keep up, she was abandoned.

However there are times when she wishes she _could_ be more like her sister. Her sister is kind and gentle in a clan that looks down on those qualities just like they did when their mother was brought into the clan. The Hyūga have no place for gentleness, they are Shinobi. Why learn something that can get you killed? Still there are times that Hanabi will have spent a long hour in her room by herself (most recently on the day of their Mother's birthday) and _try so hard to bottle the damn feelings in her chest that make her feel like she's going to develop a new hole somewhere on her torso and she starts to lose vision and her modest room begins to swim and she just can't keep her eyes open but she wants everything to stop for just a damn moment-_And suddenly warm arms are around her. And she feels someone hugging her from behind as she sits on the floor still in the formal sitting position as if she is holding a formal dinner with herself, not able to see who is holding her because her _damn_ _eyes_ are watery. But she knows. She knows it is the only person who could know without being told that she needs someone. She needs the woman that Hanabi never has a clear memory of and only has a single picture to look at. Hanabi doesn't even know what color her eyes were.

And when she is grabbing at the hands that are wrapped on her shoulders she grips at them so tightly, wrestling with the idea of throwing them away but knowing she needed this touch to make her feel okay without showing weakness, she is reminded how easy it would be for Hinata to ask Hanabi to hold her if she was sad. Hanabi curses at the fact that she can't do the same.

The only thing Hanabi can do that would ever seem like offering gentleness or kindness is on the nights that their father (or more recently the Elders) has been particularly brutal to Hinata and Hinata has slunk away while wearing her poorly veiled shame and misery (a look Hanabi recognizes now more easily than a smile) and quietly hides in her room. That is the time when Hanabi sneaks into her sister's room and without ever saying anything she slides under the covers with her sister and lays by her side, allowing Hinata to wrap her arms around her. Hanabi never returns the embrace. To do so would admit that she is trying to comfort Hinata.

She knows that if it were her, she wouldn't let anyone see her in such a state: eyes red and puffy, nose tinged with crimson and wet trails leading from the pearly eyes they both inherited. She would never cry from something so simple as a lecture from the man that sired them both. She is too weathered and toughened for that to hurt her.

It is then that Hanabi wishes her father had treated both his daughters the same way. It is in the dark of a broken-hearted Hinata's bedroom that Hanabi hates that she is, if nothing else, accepted by their Father.

If they had both been outcasts, had both been rejected by the family they are supposed to respect, protect and serve then maybe they would be able to take comfort in each other. Then Hanabi could be the ally Hinata so desperately needs and Hinata could be the source of love that Hanabi wishes for more than anything.

But instead, Hinata is all alone and Hanabi is treated as a tool and tolerated by her relatives just as the perfect heiress should be.

Never in her life has she felt so far away from her sister than when she is as close to her as she can be.

Hinata will always be the daughter that Hiashi didn't see fit to raise for the clan and threw away to be raised as a Shinobi. She will always be the one that he didn't train personally or hand pick to learn new techniques. But in a way, Hanabi knows, she will always be the one that will surprise the clan that thought she was unusable. She will use her gentleness and kindness that was given to her by their Mother to turn her into something completely different, something not Hyūga.

Hanabi will never get that choice. She has been bathed in the river of influence for far too long and the wrinkles will never leave her skin. They may fade, but they will never disappear. Gentleness was never _given_ to her by anyone. Anything that she has-tenacity, ferocity, anger- has been something she has had to earn through blood, sweat and tears. She has had to fight to keep anything for herself since being under a watchful eye doesn't leave you with much for yourself.

And so she wishes in the deepest part of her mind that she and Hinata could be one in the same, Hanabi is not her sister.

And maybe it's better that way.

Hinata can be protective in an endearing way, but more often than not needs protecting.

Hanabi has never been allowed to need protection to the point of expecting it, and so she can do nothing but protect.

Hanabi will never be the gentle younger sister that adores her elder. She will never be the annoying child that teases her sister for her love of that orange-clad waste of time. She will never be her sister's best friend. She will never be like Hinata and be able to retain the gentle sweetness that seems right to Hanabi.

She will never be like her sister.

But is she has to suffer and train and fight, Hanabi promises herself it will be for the next generation that will be taught by Hinata (and others like her) of the gentle sweetness that needs to be spread.

Hanabi is nothing like her sister. That fact is unchangeable. But she swears she will always be there to protect her and those like her so that no child will ever feel so distant from the ones they love.

* * *

_**Just a minor note, this takes place during Part 1 and is definitely before the Chūnin exams. **_


End file.
